Mixed Bag of Feelings

"Rejoice always" 1 Thessalonians 5:16

I've kind of had a mixed bad the last few days emotions-wise; on one hand, I've been up and about, able to go to church, I've enjoyed Thanksgiving with my family, and I've even been able to take a few steps without the aid of anything, cane or crutch. On that last part, I hope my physical therapist isn't going to yell at me for doing that...

On the other hand, and the thing that really is muddling things is the loss that a family that I'm friends with suffered recently. This family is an awesome family, I was blessed to meet them just over a year and a half ago when I was working with Coastlands Consultants at a school in Connecticut. This family just exudes acceptance and God's love to all those around, and meeting them and learning more about them actually moved me to tears while I was there. This family has adopted several children with special needs, and some with extremely severe needs. A couple of the kids they adopted they saved (this is going to be strong, but these were the words that were used) on the way to the dumpster. These kids they saved were so severely handicapped they were unwanted. The child that just passed was only supposed to live an extremely brief time, but they had 12 years with him.

I know this family is grieving for their loss, but also joyful that this little guy is now walking and leaping and praising God now. I haven't really resolved my feelings, but I wanted to write what's on my heart. Please pray for the family as they deal with this loss, but also rejoice for the life he lived, a life that opened many eyes to the love of Christ, and one that enabled this family to share that love with many.

Let It Snow!

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
 Let me hear joy and gladness;
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
 Hide your face from my sins
   and blot out all my iniquity." Psalm 51:7-9

I have almost always loved the snow in winter. I'm writing this while looking out the window at the snow covered ground. I know this is not an opinion shared by a lot of people, but they can write their own blog about how much they hate snow. I love looking out the window at a snow covered vista, not when it's on the road, but I can handle that since I do have a four wheel drive vehicle.

But I digress...

The thing I like most about freshly fallen snow is how clean it looks. And I love that the snow can cover over even the grossest, most dreary looking landscape and make it look fresh and new again. The psalm writer uses imagery like this, but I think it goes even deeper than snow just covering up something bad.

As I said, snow can cover up dreary looking landscapes, a fresh snow can cover up old, slushy, gray/black snow that's full of salt and pebbles and make it look fresh and new. The grace of God can do that for us too, but in a much different way, a way that doesn't just cover up the sins, but takes those sins away. Sure, we remember them, we are sometimes even ashamed by past sins, but the love of God and the sacrifice of His son means that those sins are forgiven, in God's mind, they are no more.

And, while I think it's important to learn from our past sins, and make sure we don't make those mistakes again, I really don't feel that we need to be ashamed of those sins. I think that's just Satan trying to stray our minds away from the love of Christ, and the desire to do His will from now on. I once heard a radio pastor explain it the best I've heard it, he said, "Satan reminds you of your past, Christ deals with your future."

So, enjoy the snow, let it remind you of what Christ has done or can do in your life.

Thanksgiving

"I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving." Psalm 69:30

Just a few Thanksgiving thoughts, I now it's actually the day after Thanksgiving, but I'm still in a thankful mood...

First of all, I'm thankful for things I took for granted last Thanksgiving, I'm thankful I can walk again, a little bit. I'm thankful that I am noticing God's provision even more.

I'm thankful to have been able to see almost all of my immediate family, unfortunately, we missed my sister Tessa. I do love her and miss her, especially this time of year.

And I'm thankful for little things, like I got to see the Patriots win on Thanksgiving.

I'm also thankful for all those people out there keeping the economy going, even if I do thing they're crazy.

Gentleness and More Rejoicing

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

There are times that I'm not always the nicest person to be with because I don't always react well. Sure, if I'm presented with a challenge, I usually roll up my sleeves and try to work through it, but that's not the reaction I'm talking about. I'm sure that there are people who will read this who know that I do not always react well if I'm told something that rebukes me, or disagrees with me or contradicts me. When that happens, my first reaction is usually one of anger and my first inclination to to strike back. It took me years to realize that, and realize that reaction is wrong.

I haven't conquered this yet, my first reaction usually is still one of anger, but I've managed to temper that a bit. Now, instead of lashing out, more often than not, I just shut up. I've realized that since I don't react well, I shouldn't react at all. So, I'll shut my mouth, try to leave as soon as possible and go process what just happened. That's not the best reaction because sometimes I process a bit to long, but I still think it's better than what I used to do.

Now I'm going to change subjects...I realize I should have put some pictures up yesterday as I now have some pictures on my new foot and me standing on it. Be warned, these pictures were taken on a Saturday morning/afternoon so I'm not all put together, but I wanted to share them anyway...

This is my foot all by itself. I found out at almost the last second that I could customize the color and a design of the socket, so I picked green for the color. I asked them to put a cross on it because I always want to remember the decision I made months ago...that whatever happens, God will be glorified. That cross is actually laminated into the socket, it's a part of my foot.

Here's me standing in the dining room, something I haven't done in a few months, stand without holding onto something. And you can see the dog in the background.

Lastly, this is me in a room I haven't been into in months, the kitchen.

Thanks for reading today.

God bless!

Woohoo!

"Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
  Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
 Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his^[a];
   we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
  Enter his gates with thanksgiving
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name.
 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100

A wonderful thing happened this weekend...I got my foot! And I was able to walk into church! Now I really feel like things are starting to pick up speed. For the last month and a half, I've felt as though I've been in a kind of holding pattern. I knew I was healing, and that's extremely important, but I also was looking forward to the next step...literally.

I've been able to go places I haven't gone in months, on Facebook, there's a picture of me standing in the kitchen, I haven't been in there in months. I'm not back to normal yet, but just the fact that I can get up and around a bit is huge!

The mechanics are like this, for now; I have the foot on for an hour and a half, twice a day. During the hour and a half time period, I'm to be walking for about twenty minutes, in 4-5 minute blocks. So far this morning, I've gone into the kitchen to get a bowl and toast a cranberry English muffin.

The only bummer I've found so far is that I haven't lost quite as much as I thought I had, but I was only about 5 pounds off, that means I've only lost 78 pounds as opposed to 83. Since I've been weighing myself on one foot, I've had to use my fingertips on the wall to steady myself, and apparently that took 5 pounds off my weight.

People have been asking if it hurts; it only hurts if something isn't right. For instance; if it's slightly askew, meaning I haven't lined it up right with my kneecap. It also might hurt if I need to put some more padding in the socket. My residual limb will continue to shrink and since I need to keep consistent pressure all around, I need to pad my limb with socks, as pressure is supposed to be equally distributed all around what's left of the leg.

If you are praying for me, thank you! Please give thanks for something awesome happening this weekend!

Cover Your Needs in Prayer

“Therefore I will teach them—
   this time I will teach them
   my power and might.
Then they will know
   that my name is the LORD." Jeremiah 16:21

I've said it before, when I read about the same thing more than once during my morning devotions, it's probably something God wants me to learn. Though today I'm hoping it's something I've already learned, but maybe God wants me to write about, or maybe it's just something that God's confirming for me...

It's actually kind of appropriate that this is the way my thinking is going this morning, because that's what I want to talk about; the uncertainty of whether or not we're doing what God's telling us to do.

I ran into this this summer, as I was working through the decision of what to do with my foot. On the one hand, I could just sit back and say, "God will heal this, therefore I need to do nothing." I could also have said, "I'm going to make my decision totally independent of God and just listen to the doctors." What I decided to do was say, "I will take into account what the doctors say, I will also pray about it and see if I can learn God's will on the subject. Then I'll make the decision."

The way it ultimately worked out was; I heard the recommendations from the doctors, then I took two weeks to pray, and seek Godly counsel on the subject. I even worked out for me to take a trip to Pennsylvania during this decision time so I was able to talk it over with some of my best friends. When it came to decision time, I decided that, while I did trust that God could heal my ankle, I didn't want to close myself off from other solutions because, ultimately,. that would be putting God in a box and saying "Sure, God, I know you can do it, so do it." I set the date for the amputation surgery, believing that if God wanted to heal me, He would, but I couldn't keep putting it off.

Do I feel this is what God wanted me to do? Absolutely. I'm even more sure now that I'm on this end of the surgery. Did I believe that God could heal me? You betcha. I was praying (and had others praying with me) for healing up to the point and even while I was in the room, prepping for surgery.

If all goes well, I will be getting my new foot in a few hours. I can tell you what that means to me, but I can't get the full impact of that across in these words. In a word, it means freedom. I had been in pain from my right ankle for the last three years, I no longer have that pain. I have been hobbled by the issues in my right ankle for the last few years, I'll no longer be hobbled by that. And even in the shorter view, I've been in a wheelchair for the last six months, I'll be out of that soon. I haven't been able to drive my car for six months as well, plans are in place for getting that fixed.

It's very hard to know we made the right decision on the front side of that decision, we only really know if we made the right decision after we've gone through with it. I was sure I had made the right decision before I went through with it and what's happened since has only confirmed what I was feeling. I know that for me, it's because I bathed it in prayer and asked others to pray with me, and God granted me the clarity and confidence to be sure about it beforehand. I wish I could say He'd do that with everyone if they believed Him like I did, but I can't. Sometimes God still chooses to withhold that from us, I can't tell you why but, if you refer to my last post, I already know I'm not as smart as God.

What I can say is that you have a better chance of having that confidence if you make sure to cover your decisions in prayer.

My hymn for today is "Sweet Hour of Prayer"

1. Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
   That calls me from a world of care,
   And bids me at my Father’s throne
   Make all my wants and wishes known.
   In seasons of distress and grief,
   My soul has often found relief,
   And oft escaped the tempter’s snare,
   By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
2. Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
   The joys I feel, the bliss I share,
   Of those whose anxious spirits burn
   With strong desires for thy return!
   With such I hasten to the place
   Where God my Savior shows His face,
   And gladly take my station there,
   And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!
3. Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
   Thy wings shall my petition bear
   To Him whose truth and faithfulness
   Engage the waiting soul to bless.
   And since He bids me seek His face,
   Believe His Word and trust His grace,
   I’ll cast on Him my every care,
   And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!

Wisdom

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." 1 Corinthians 1:25

I often try to logic out the things that God has done in my life, or the things that God asks of me, and what I continually find is that I can't. I think there are a couple reasons for this...1-I'm not smart enough, I feel as though I am fairly intelligent, but God is smarter. 2- I can't see the big picture like God can, I can only see a small part, and often not very clearly. 3- God's wisdom is not only wiser than man's wisdom, but different.

I often hear people say things like, "a loving God wouldn't...", or "if God cared about us He would..." I think God both loves us and cares about us, He just does it better than we do.

This entry is going to be very short because it's relatively simple, we can't always see why God does what He does, and if He does make it clear as to why He did something, be happy with that, for the rest, wait until you see Him in Heaven and ask him then.

Let's learn to be content with that.

Prayer and Timing

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears." Psalm 18:6

I know sometimes, people think God isn't listening, God doesn't care, or God is too busy with something else that He can't be bothered with them. That is not true. I want to share a couple verses today that speak to prayer, and they're both out of the Old Testament, which is a bit unusual for me.

First of all, if you read this verse, you can see that the author truly believed God heard his cry, God heard his prayer. I just did a quick search on Bible Gateway about heard prayer and got several examples of prayers being heard. So, you can either believe that God hears prayers, or that the Bible just managed to get the examples of when prayers have been heard, I choose to believe that God hears prayers. I believe that, because I've had prayers answered.

Check out this other passage..."A thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night." Psalm 90:4

God is outside of time. If God waits a thousand years, it's like no time at all to Him. The same holds true for a hundred years, a decade, a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, a minute, a second, since God is outside of time, man-made measurements of time mean nothing to Him.

Our problem is that we're too often like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, saying "I want (insert thing wanted here), Daddy and I want it now!" We want immediate gratification, we're too often not willing to wait even a second for it. We're almost under the impression that since God already knows out hearts, He should already provide our want before we even have to pray for it.

First, I'd be willing to say that God does fill many of our needs before we even know we need something, but since we don't realize it, we don't attribute anything to God. Also, I'm pretty convinced that prayer is mostly for us, not for God, He doesn't need reminding of what we need or want. We pray because the Bible commands us to (see 1 Thessalonians 5:17) and because it changes us, not God's mind.

I've written before about God's permissive will; nothing happens without God's knowledge and without god letting it. He doesn't cause everything to happen (because God cannot cause evil) but He does allow everything to happen. Since God knows everything, and knows us better than we even know ourselves, doesn't it stand to reason that He knows what's best for us?

I'm sorry, I've gotten a bit rambly today, so let me sum up what I was trying to get to...God hears your prayers, God answers your prayers but in His timing, not ours and God's timing is perfect. Remember, sometimes God's answer is "no" because that's not what best for us. But most of all, God loves you.

Listen and Do

“We have examined this, and it is true. So hear it and apply it to yourself.”Job 5:27

This is an interesting verse, it's said by Job's friend, Eliphaz, and if you read Job 4 and 5 you can figure out that it's probably said in a rather patronizing manner. I'm going to encourage you to do something that you should never really do, take this out of context. Take this verse, pick it up, and place it just after anything Jesus said, or Paul said, or Peter said or even James said. Wait...James already said something like this, check out James 1:22-25.

Ironically, I was thinking about something like this while my mind was wandering while I was reading my Bible. One of the things I've learned to do when I find my mind wandering while I'm reading is to start reading out loud. By the way, for anyone writing something important that other people have to head, this is also a great way of proofreading your work. I find reading things out loud force me to focus more on what I'm reading, because it doesn't just involve my eyes doing something, it also brings in my mouth, which forces my brain to engage. But again, I wander...

Think of how many times things would have gone better if you had just listened to what someone told you. I recently have had some success with losing some weight, I still have quite a bit to go, but since I've lost 80 pounds so far, I'm kinda happy. [I know, I did cheat the last five or ten pounds, I just had them cut it off. ;-)] But I only had that success when I decided to listen to what people were trying to say to me, but I also had to change things up, so I went to Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers was great for me, I had people who could help me out by giving me instructions but also provided a way of accountability for me. I know WW isn't for everyone, but I wouldn't be surprised that one of the reasons they're so successful is because they're running on a model that could be called Biblical.

Look at the apostles, they went around in teams, gave instruction, and lived with people to provide an example and accountability. And it speaks on this in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.

To sum up, this is not a commercial for Weight Watchers, I simply used them as an example. What I am trying to say is follow the example of the Bible, read, listen, and do what it says. Ultimately, it will be a blessing to you, it probably won't make life easier, but certainly more rewarding and purposeful.

The Beauty of Nature

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." Romans 1:20

I love living in Vermont. Sure, I have more friends in other places like Pennsylvania and New Hampshire, because I haven't lived here in a long time and lost touch with a lot of people, (I'm working on that!) but I think it's beautiful up here. If I had my druthers, I would actually have all my friends move here to Vermont.

There are so many beautiful views up here that you can't help but notice them when you drive almost anywhere. Wednesday, I was at physical therapy admiring the view out the windows, the other day I was driving back from Rutland with my pastor and we were commenting on the view, and I've often enjoyed the picturesque view of Royalton you see while driving on I-89. It's images such as this...

You actually get a some of New Hampshire in this view, but it's taken standing in Vermont

Whenever I take the time to admire the beauty around me, I can't help but see God in this creation, I just can't imagine that all this ended up here by random chance. I know there are awful things that happen too, and I honestly can't imagine why they have to happen, but then, I'm not God, I can't see the whole picture, so I try not to dwell on the bad things that happen.

Looking at the view from the top of Killington, or Brandon Gap, or even from the parking lot at the hospital, I can totally understand Romans 1:20, I can so see God's hand in that creation, and I am incredibly thankful that He allows me to experience it.

Today's hymn is "This Is My Father's World", I hope you take the time to read the lyrics and maybe take some time to get outside and enjoy the nature God has out around you.

1.      This is my Father's world 
 and to my listening ears 
 all nature sings, and round me rings 
 the music of the spheres.  
 This is my Father's world:  
 I rest me in the thought 
 of rocks and trees, of skies and seas; 
 his hand the wonders wrought.

2. This is my Father's world, 
 the birds their carols raise, 
 the morning light, the lily white, 
 declare their maker's praise.  
 This is my Father's world:  
 he shines in all that's fair; 
 in the rustling grass I hear him pass; 
 he speaks to me everywhere.

3. This is my Father's world.  
 O let me ne'er forget 
 that though the wrong seems oft so strong, 
 God is the ruler yet.  
 This is my Father's world:  
 why should my heart be sad?  
 The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!  
 God reigns; let the earth be glad!

Bring The Rain

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”Job 1:21

As I sat down to write this entry, I heard a pretty loud noise outside, that I could hear coming closer, but very slowly, so I looked out to see what it was. I live on a dirt road, and if any of you reading this currently live or have lived on a dirt road, you know that periodically it needs to be graded to be a usable road. If the road isn't graded, it will eventually turn into a pothole filled, dirt track that you would need a 4x4 to drive. What I was hearing was the grader. If you've seen one, you know it's a large tractor with a plow blade underneath it to turn up the top layer of the dirt. Here's a picture...

The process is similar to what you have to do to the soil in a garden, turn it over to be able to put the seed in the ground, otherwise you'd just be scattering it on top.

I realized that this has sort of been my life in the last few months. My life has been torn up and been made different than I ever thought it would have been by this point. What amazes me is my ability to praise God with all this going on.

I don't say this to heap praise on myself, I say this to illustrate what God has been doing in my life. Not only have I maintained my relationship with God, but I believe it's grown stronger and deeper. There is a strong urge, when things go wrong or something bad happens, to just curl up, stay away from everybody and feel sorry for yourself. To be honest, I felt like that for a while this summer. I was angry, I was grumpy and none to fun to be around, the only way I was able to break out of that is because of what God has done in my life. It was not on my own.

What I really wish is that it didn't take this health crisis for me to grow closer to God. But as I live through this, I realize that sometimes we need a good grading, we need the soil of our lives turned over and plowed up for us to be able to be used. I believe God will use me for something, I believe God has already used what I'm going through to Glorify Him. I can say that because I have glorified God in spite of, and sometimes because of what has been going on.

The song I'm going to share today is called "Bring The Rain" by MercyMe. I'm sure I had heard it before, but we sang it in church on Sunday and I've found it has new meaning these days. Read the lyrics and you'll get a better picture of how I feel.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

I hope you don't need to be plowed up like I was, but if you do, I hope and pray you will be able to praise God because of it, and seek a way to be used as well.

Scriptural Sword

"And Jesus answered him,  "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone.'"" Luke 4:4

"And Jesus answered him,  "It is written, "'You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.'"" Luke 4:8


"for it is written, "'He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you,'and "'On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.'"" Luke 4:10,11

"And Jesus answered him, "It is said, 'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.'"" Luke 4:12


I wish I knew Scripture better.


There are many reasons I wish I knew Scripture better, but the biggest reason is to be able to refute Satan when I am tempted. If you look at the passages I have at the beginning of this entry I have four times when someone quotes Scripture; three times it's Jesus. I can appreciate that Jesus probably is able to memorize better than I am, after all, he's God. And if I had so much written about me, I think it would be easy to memorize it since it's about me and my life.


The third out of four times that scripture is quoted though, it's Satan doing the quoting. That's why I think it's even more important that we know scripture as well as we possibly can; if Satan is going to quote it to us (and he will misuse it) we need to know it so we know when Satan is misusing Scripture. That's kind of a convoluted way of saying "If we know it, it can't be used against us."


Satan is a master manipulator, he knows us better than we know ourselves, he knows what tempts us, and when to throw that temptation in front of us. And it wouldn't surprise me if he gets even greater pleasure when he can use Scripture to tempt us to sin.


The best way for us to know Scripture is to study it. The best way for us to refute Satan is to build a wall of knowledge so he can't break through it. And, according to Ephesians 6:17 it's the one offensive part of the Armor of God. 


So, pick up your sword!

Anger

" Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

My devotion that I'm reading through is titled "Battlefield of the Mind" and it's all about how Satan can get into your head and play mind games with you. And yesterday's reading was about, you guessed it, anger. Anger is something that I don't deal with a ton, I try to resolve issues as quickly as possible. I think I would define anger a bit differently than most and say that being angry is different than being mad. I've been mad, and I've been angle, but in my head, mad is something you get in the heat of the moment, and if it's not dealt with it can turn into anger.

Anger is mad, but longer.

As I said, I've been mad, I don't always react well to bad news, or someone confronting me with something, or if someone has decided to force their opinion on me if I don't agree with it, and even if someone is mad at me. I've learned a couple of things to do when this happens...1- I need to shut up fast. Since I don't always react well to confrontations, I tend to say things that I might regret later, so now, if I feel a situation is running in that direction, I just clam up and try to remove myself from the situation as quickly as I can. The second thing I've learned is that I need to deal with that issue as soon as possible, the apostle Paul put it better in Ephesians 4:26,27 "“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

I tend to dwell on things and I'd rather the things I dwell on be good things, hence the verse I put at the beginning of this entry. I believe we can train our mind to think and react better when issues arise, and we do it when we start by conciously thinking about things that are good, noble, praisworthy and honorable, and then we find we are unconciously thinking in that direction.

I did a quick search about what holding on to anger can do to us and the first page I found gave several effects of anger, and none of them were good. The thing I've most come to realize is that anger rarely hurts the person we're angry at, by being angry at someone it doesn't cause them to have high blood pressure, headaches, acid reflux, or any of the other effects on that page, those affect the person who is holding on to that anger.

I know there is some sort of perverse comfort in holding on to anger, but it's not doing what you might think it is. That "comfort" is Satan messing with your head. Do not give the devil a foothold! Keep him out!

I want to share two things with you; first is a card I received this week, here is the cover...

And here is the inside...

This was from a student at a school I wasn't able to get to this year, it's actually the school we were at when I hurt my ankle. It made me laugh and I hope it makes you laugh too.

The other thing I want to share is a hymn; "Be Thou My Vision" and I'm listening to the "Be Thou My Vision: Celtic Hymns" so it's got a Celtic feel to it, which I like a lot.

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,
I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;
Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;
Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:
Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
Thou mine inheritance now and always;
Thou and thou only first in my heart;
High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

If we make God our vision, by day and by night, if He's our best thought, that's the biggest step we can make toward getting anger out of our life. If you are holding onto anger, let it go. Talk with the person you're angry with, but talk with them, hold a conversation, don't talk at them and attack them.

God bless you!

One Month Since Surgery

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Well, it's been a month since I had my foot amputated, actually almost to the time, too. As i think back on the last month, a few things come to mind...

1- Some things have been harder than I thought, some things not as hard, I guess it's almost evened out in terms of how hard things are. Some things that I hadn't really put much thought into, because I thought they'd be pretty easy, are harder tha I expected, like getting into and out of the car, that's the place I think I've come the closest to falling. But one thing that I thought would be harder would be the want to use my right foot. sure, I've tried to put it down on the floor once or twice, but I thought I'd be trying to use it to balance myself a lot.

2- I've been able to see even better, how god's been providing for me. One of the thigs that was really worrying me as October got closer was how I'd be able to pay my bills, I've spent the last year making sure I was caught up, and even ahead, on my bills, and I know that October was the last month I'd be able to rely on my savings to get me though. But God provided (!) when I was in the hospital, I received a letter from Social Security telling me my Supplemental Security Income was approved. That, combined with what my monthly supporters have continued to send, just about exactly covers my monthly bills.

3- Even though it stinks that I have to go through this, I've been able to see how things have worked out to make it easier. I'm not diabetic so things are healing better than anticipated, physical therapists are very happy with how my leg is shaping up, I even had one tell me the other day that I was in great shape, I'm sure she meant my leg. (It's the only time I can remember someone telling me I was in good shape!) And I've told a few people that if this was going to happen anyway, and from what I've learned about my situation it probably would have, I'd rather have it happen now, while I'm in my thirties, than when I'm in my sixties or even older.

4- I said before the surgery that if giving up my right foot is what it takes for me to have a deeper relationship with Christ, I'm ok with that...and I still mean that. My relationship with Christ has deepened so much over the last month, it's been amazing. I'm closer to God, I feel the fruit of the Spirit more in my life and my quiet time has become a time I look forward to, not just something I feel I have to do.

I'm so thankful that I made the decision that I made months ago; that no matter what happened, God would be glorified in this. That has been key in keeping perspective in all of this. While I don't believe God caused this to happen (see James 1:17) I do believe God allowed it to happen. If God is Omniscient (He can see all) and Omnipresent (He is everywhere) and Omnipotent (He is all-powerful) then nothing can happen without Him allowing it to happen, that's God's permissive will. So, if I believe God allowed this to happen, I have to believe it will work out to my ultimate benefit, because of what Romans 8:28 says; "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

How Do You See God?

"I lift up my eyes to you,
   to you who sit enthroned in heaven.
 As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,
   as the eyes of a female slave look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
   till he shows us his mercy.
  Have mercy on us, LORD, have mercy on us,
   for we have endured no end of contempt.
 We have endured no end
   of ridicule from the arrogant,
   of contempt from the proud."   Psalm 123

How do you look at God, what do you see Him as? I'm reading a book on prayer, and in the chapter I just finished, it talks about different ways to see God. That got me thinking about how different people see God. Let me start this out by saying that whatever I come up with, it will be imperfect and nowhere near a truly accurate description of God, I don't think words can give an accurate description of God. To truly know God and who He is, I think we need to wait till we see Him in Heaven.

But until then, we have to use words...So, how do you see God? For those people who had bad parents, you might shy away from using a father as an example of God, for those who have issues with authority you might not want to use the term King, and for those of you who struggle to keep your life consistent, you might not want to think of God as a rock. But the Bible uses all those images, and several more to describe God. Just do a quick Google search and you see that there are many names for God, and I have a book that lists (and gives scripture for) 64 different names for God the Father, 124 different names for God the Son, and 52 different names for God the Holy Spirit, for those of you keeping track, that's 213 different ways the bible describes God.

So, do you view God as that annoying boss who's always telling you how to go something? Do you view God as an authoritarian parent who never lets you do anything? Do you view God as that nosy friend who always has to know your business? The nerd you hang out with who never lets you have any fun? God is none of those, He loves you, he only wants what's best for you and He paid the ultimate price for your sake, His Son. I can't imagine anyone that those views describe doing that for me.

I'm going to share a hymn that's rather rare, but if you do a search for it you can find it, it's called "He Paid a Debt He Did Not Owe"

He paid a debt He did not owe;
I owed a debt I could not pay;
I needed someone to wash my sins away.
And, now, I sing a brand new song,
“Amazing Grace.”
Christ Jesus paid a debt that I could never pay.

He paid that debt at Calvary.
He cleansed my soul and set me free.
I'm glad that Jesus did all my sins erase.
I, now, can sing a brand new song,
“Amazing Grace.”
Christ Jesus paid a debt that I could never pay.

One day He's coming back for me
To live with Him eternally.
Won't it be glory to see Him on that day!
I, then, will sing a brand new song,
“Amazing Grace.”
Christ Jesus paid a debt that I could never pay.
Yes, Jesus paid a debt that I could never pay.