Seven Days and Counting

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Seven days.

As I write this, that’s how many days I have left with my right foot, if all goes as scheduled. I’m not even sure what I’m going to write about, but as I was reading just now, I felt compelled to start writing down my thoughts and feelings. So, here goes…

Yes, I’m scared; I’m scared because I don’t know what the future holds. I know that if all stays as scheduled, on Monday, October 4th, I’ll get wheeled into surgery and have my right foot amputated. I know there are people praying for healing before then, and I certainly am as well, but I have to look at the possibility of that not happening. Does that mean I’m selling God short? That I don’t have enough faith to just expect the healing?

No, I don’t think so.>

I don’t know God’s will for me. Oh, I know His ultimate plan for me, to end up in Heaven worshiping Him forever, and I can’t wait for that. What I’m saying is that I don’t know His will for my immediate future, and because of that I have to go with the information I have available. I think it would be irresponsible for me to do otherwise. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel that I will be healed before my foot is amputated, I know my foot can’t be healed after it’s amputated, but I do feel as though there has been a healing brought into my life through this situation.

In the last few months I have even more been called upon to fully rely on God to get me through what’s going on. First of all, if it were up to me I’d still be stuck where I was for the first several weeks after getting out of the hospital…right smack in the middle of self-pityville. People have told me that they can’t believe how I’m handling the situation and I have to tell them that I’m not handling the situation at all, I’m letting God take care of it for me. I know I couldn’t do it, not on my own anyway. I was quite content to wallow in self pity and anger until God kicked me out of it.

Secondly, I’ve had to totally rely on God for my finances. If it was up to what I had saved, and how I had spent, I would have been out of money a month ago, but God provides! Jehovah Jireh! Not only am I current on my bills (ahead on some!) but I still have money in the bank. God has continued to provide through the generosity of His people.

Think that’s good enough? Not for my God.

I also received the answer that I was seeking back in April. In April a couple things had happened that got me wondering if I was only to be in Coastlands for a season, and if that season was ending. There’s precedence for that, several people have joined Coastlands for a year or less and I was wondering if I was going to be one of those people. First of all, I don’t think there would be anything wrong with only being full time with Coastlands for a year, if that what God had called me to. I took some time to think and pray about my future, took most of April off to do that too. And I thought that what was going on with my ankle was the answer to that question. I thought it was time to find something else, go back to a regular job for a while. I even had the conversation with Pam, talking about how I would no longer be able to go with Coastlands.

Then I started getting the cards and letters from students.

When I got home from the hospital, I started getting envelopes filled with cards and letters from students at schools Coastlands had visited last year. I was extremely touched by the notes from students thanking me for visiting them to tell them about God. I was overwhelmed and moved to tears when I received an envelope from one school where the first grade not only wrote notes and cards, but had been collecting support for me. What I realized then was that this was bigger than just me and my decisions, God had been using me to tell students about Him.

This was my answer, and not the answer I had originally thought I had received. It wasn’t “Look, you needed and answer, I broke your ankle to give you a definite answer, time to go find something else” it was “It’s not going to be easy, but it will be fruitful and forward My Kingdom. It will be hard and rewarding, but I want you to stick with it.”

Since God kicked my butt and told me it was time to quit feeling sorry for myself, I’ve been able to spend a week in ministry with Coastlands and it was powerful. I’ve also made a decision, that whatever happens with my ankle two things will ultimately happen. 1 – I will walk again. I’ve now had two different people tell me about a dream they had where I was walking up to them and I believe that will happen. 2 – God will be glorified in whatever happens, that is what I most want to happen out of this.

>So no, I don’t know what the future holds but I know who holds the future